as I walk

the journey to becoming me

The F Bomb.

I figured I should give an update of how things are going. I have a few classes that I like, one that I think is totally stupid (but it’s a great teacher, so it averages out to an okay experience), and one that should have been awesome, but just sucks. I like doing homework. I know, I’m sick and twisted. But I like it. There’s something about making my brain work that gets me going.
My job on the other hand…
Maybe it’s because I’m in school. Kelly thinks that there’s some kind of jealousy running around at work – that they see that I’m not going to let myself stay stuck there like they are. I don’t know about that. I think that I finally don’t care anymore about harmony. For the 3 years or so that I’ve been there, I’ve always been the peace keeper. I’ve been the thermostat. I’ve made sure that everyone kind of gets along. Now, I’m tired. I’m so sick of the middle school drama that seems to play out. These guys are grown men in their 50’s. Why can’t they just be adults? I’m tired of having to be the one to make everything better. Also, I just don’t care anymore. I now see that I won’t be stuck there forever. I don’t need to stress myself out to make sure that everyone else is fine. They certainly don’t care about me like that…
Yesterday on Facebook I mentioned that something bad happened at work. One of my closer co-workers, a guy who had even bought us a wedding present dropped the “f word”. He said the computer had to “de-fag”. He immediately knew he was wrong. I expected an apology that was along the lines of a slip of the tongue, that it wasn’t what he meant to say. Instead the apology came across more like “Oh crap, I didn’t mean for you to hear that”. At first I was angry. So angry that I walked away and found busy work to do in the back for an hour while I calmed down. Once calm, I realized that I wasn’t angry, rather, that I was hurt. He later asked me if I was still angry at him. I said no. It’s true. All I felt was hurt and betrayal. It may seem so minor, so trivial, it’s just a missing “R”. But in reality, that missing “R” destroyed a good work friendship. I can’t trust him any more. He clearly doesn’t respect me, or anyone else.
Today at work, I pretty much kept to myself and did the work that I needed to get done. I think that’s how it will be from this point forward. Maybe we’ll come to an understanding in the near future, but even then, trust has been broken, and nothing will be the same.


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One thought on “The F Bomb.

  1. I find people say things like that often without meaning to be hurtful. It is ignorance. I have tried not to let it get to me and try to educate them when possible. I am not saying that was the case for you. Just saying I have seen it go that way. I am sorry you were hurt. 😦

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