as I walk

the journey to becoming me


Sometimes, things are hard rough shitty.
Last week was one of those weeks.
We’ve been trying to find a new apartment.  We aren’t terribly picky.  It needs to be by the train, I would like it to have a functional kitchen, and a one bedroom at a livable price.  We found one.  It is gorgeous.  The kitchen was a dream.  It has house sized appliances, none of that apartment size crap.  Granite counters, a pass through from the sink to the hall, windows with beautiful sights.  Small (ish) bedroom.  Fresh looking bathroom.  In our price range (the top, but still, in it).  We applied and the waiting seemed to take forever.
While waiting, my shoulder had been bothering me and on Wednesday it got even worse with some bizarre fluid build up.  It was after 8 at night… we went to the ER.  It was ridiculous.  Not just the waiting… I kind of get that.  It was the treatment – which was the doctor looking at it then said that it was weird.  I didn’t see her again.  I had x rays taken and a nurse came back to tell me to go home and if it still hurts to come back.  So we wasted money, time, and sleep for essentially no medical care.
As we’re driving home at 1 or 2, I forget, my car… Lola.  She… she started to have some issues.  The timing skipped, a coil burned out, and the transmission slipped all at once.  She barely made it into her parking spot.
The next morning I went out to check her out and there was a ticket for parking on the wrong side of the road and my mirror had been knocked off.  I then walked to work on a hot muggy day with my shoulder in a sling.
We found out on Friday that the landlord ended up going with another couple.  No apartment.  No car.  No shoulder.
I replaced the coils and did a few tweaks to the car, but there’s nothing I can do about the transmission.  So, we decided… it’s time we get another car which we bought early this week.
Looking at it all, I’m glad we didn’t get the apartment.  It freed up the money to get the car (and it’s a pretty sweet car, not gonna lie).  But sometimes, things just suck.  Sometimes they all hit you at once.  Sometimes I forget that I don’t have to absorb it all on my own.  That I don’t have to be the strong one all the time.  That it’s okay to ask for help.  That sometimes, maybe a joke isn’t the best way to deal with a stressful situation (okay, I really haven’t learned that, I get reprimanded frequently for that… but I am aware that it is a truth).
So between work (which I’m not even going to get into), car, shoulder, and apartment, last week was hard, it was rough, and it definitely felt shitty.  There were a couple upsides.  Saturday was our six month wedding anniversary (I can’t believe how fast time is going) and we celebrated by going out for roller derby.  And our a/c has been working.  I’m sure there were other highs… but let’s be real, with crazy lows like we had, a high is having a bed and someone to love… so in those terms, last week was alright.


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One thought on “rough

  1. Good way to find the silver lining. Imagine if it happened after you got the apartment. There will be something else that is just as perfect for the both of you if not more so. Love to you friend!

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