as I walk

the journey to becoming me


I’ve been real with you folks from the moment I started writing on this laptop.
I considered letting this go.  I considered being silent.  I considered not being vulnerable.
Then I remembered how awesome it was that first vulnerable post and I got a hug I desperately had needed.  I’m going to remain in that spirit now.

Folks, I crapped myself.

There’s just this moment of going “no no no NO NO NO NO NO!  Crap”.
Ever change a kid’s stinky diaper and wonder how you’re gonna get it all clean?  Try doing that to yourself.   After my shower I sent a text “Baby, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I shit myself.”  Her response “OMG!!!! I’ll call you in 15”.   I haven’t been feeling all that well and I’m on a lot of medication… Wait, I don’t need to justify it.  The point is, I crapped myself.  Isn’t that enough for you?
Why am I telling you this?  It’s not just for the sake of vulnerability.  It’s because sometimes you need to lay things out there – either to try to laugh through a rough patch, or to know you aren’t alone.
Then there’s Alan Chambers.  He let it all out there over the past 2 days.  Alan Chambers is the president of Exodus Ministries International.  He wrote a letter of apology to the LGBTQ community and is shutting it down.  I watched a live broadcast with Lisa Ling and him this afternoon and he totally admitted fault.  He said that there isn’t a “cure”.  He said that the words they used in the past were wrong.  He shut down his own job.  He publicly chose to humble himself.  I heard it today described as the “Gay Berlin Wall coming down”.
I can respect a man who craps himself like that.


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