as I walk

the journey to becoming me

stuck

I started writing last night.  It was to be beautiful – not just the words, but the subject and the way in which I was writing.  I had this feeling “this is going to be epic”.
I woke up still clutching my notebook and my pen in my neck.  I got about 2 legible sentences in, then it got a wee bit jumbled.  In the middle of the page I wrote (in the worst handwriting possible) “M ON AMBIEN.  this is starting toooooork”.  Several lines later I write my last with “lckea” and something that looks like saw teeth.
But trust me, it truly was going to be a masterpiece.  I’m not quite in that same groove now, but I’ll see what I can do to try to convey what I was feeling last night.

We were lying in bed unwinding after a 3 day weekend.  We spent the day at her folks’ home with her brother and dog.  I felt like I had driven 8 hours that day, it was only about 2 and a half total, but still, winding down was much-needed.  I kept glancing over at her and couldn’t stop smiling.  I  would drive 8 hours a day if it meant I could sleep next to her each night.  Her hair fallen down on the pillow, framing her face, put a lump in my throat.  At one moment after we shut the light off and decided it was time for bed, I laid perfectly still hoping she’d touch me in some way.  Her foot brushed mine and I experienced a subdued excitement because this will be happening as long as we both shall live.
I guess the point of this, is, we’re married and my brain sometimes can’t seem to hold in that excitement.    She’s stuck with me and my sappy weirdness.

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