as I walk

the journey to becoming me


Some days, there are things that you just don’t want to do.  Sometimes it’s driving an hour each way to grab car keys in hopes that you’ll get there before the parking officers get to the car.  Sometimes, it’s re-organizing the kitchen to make room for the new dishes.  Sometimes doing laundry.  Sometimes it’s taking medicine that you know you hate the side effects of, that you fear will make you less… you.  Sometimes you have to do these things.
It’s not about me having to pay less in a parking ticket.  It’s about peace of mind for someone who I care about.  It’s not about making the kitchen work, it’s about making a studio apartment a home.  It’s not about having clean clothes, it’s about de-stressing my wife.  It’s not about mellowing out, it’s making sure that everyone that I come into contact with feels safe and secure around me.

There’s a very real possibility that I’ll be losing my words again soon.

I’ve resigned myself to knowing that I will have some kind of side effect in one shape or another for the next few years, if not rest of my life.  I’m about to start taking a medication to control one of the side effects, but who knows what that one will do to me.  Unfortunately, there is no medication to take care of the inability to come up with words.  I’m heartbroken knowing what will come.  Yet, I find some comfort in knowing that it’s the right choice for our marriage.


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