darkness part 2
When I cut, it doesn’t just hurt me, it hurts my wife. I promised to never intentionally hurt her. I need to get better so I can stop hurting her. Even though I don’t give a shit about myself, I care for her deeply and need to stop… for her. For our marriage. I love her more than cutting. I hate seeing that sadness, frustration, confusion, and disappointment in her eyes more than I love the release I get from a blade.
I have to quit.
I have to get better.
If not for me, then for her.
For our marriage.
Even now, all I can think about is a pair of scissors, but I know that it’s temporary and that her pain lasts longer than my relief. Every day that I cut, I feel like a failure. I feel like a bad wife. I feel selfish. I feel shame…
I’m just trying to remember that I love her more than cutting.