as I walk

the journey to becoming me


For those of you who don’t know, I’m on  It’s not something I talk about often, but I’m certainly not ashamed of it.  In fact, it’s part of my family’s history.  Pretty much everyone in my family met through some sort of correspondence – either a newsletter or online.  I feel it’s my duty to carry on the tradition (not really, but might as well go for it).
Why did I choose match?  Well, besides walking in my family’s legacy, I chose it for a few reasons.  First being that I don’t really know where/how to meet women.  Well, I could go to a gay bar, but I’m not huge into bars to begin with… and the odds of finding a Christian lesbian at a gay bar… well… you get the idea.  So online dating it is.   eHarmony doesn’t have a category for women seeking women.  They do have a sister site  Oh, you never heard of it?  No one else has either.  It’s a ghost town (and more expensive than eHarmony).  There were a few other random sites I’ve heard thrown about, but none of them had a religious aspect to it.  Then there’s the numbers game.  The more people on a site, the better the odds that there will be someone who I can click with.   So, I landed on match.  That’s how I met “M”.
At first, I liked her.  She was so easy to talk to, was really open, and we both said we liked Jesus.  I was ready to propose and get married.  As time went on, I liked her more and more, yet began to realize that we were not going to be good together.  Our faiths were turning out to be drastically different.  I frequently went through inner battles of should I end it or not.  The nots kept winning out.  I tried to justify it as “practice“.  I figured that learning how to communicate and date are essential skills in my next relationship.  The problem came when I realized that I was at the point where I was about to fall in love with someone who was turning out to be very bad for me.  After a pros/cons list and 5 or so beers with a good friend who told me over and over that night that I deserved better (something I had never heard before), I chose to end it.   The ending… that’s another story that… well… that too was practice I suppose.  I now know what *not* to do.
I decided that what I need to do is to keep the momentum going.  I became comfortable being with someone and touching.  I don’t want to lose those gains.  So, Friday, I have a date.  In the back of my head I keep thinking that it’s so not going to work out – mostly due to distance and her age.  Or, maybe it’s my age… either way, there’s a bit of a difference there.  The things that drew me in despite the age and distance, were that she spent 2 years in the Peace Corps (that’s pretty awesome), she mentioned Jesus (not just spirituality) in her profile, she has a great taste in music, and finally… she’s over 6′ tall.  Yup.  I told my sister about it and to my shock she said that I had to go for it.  She also said that if this were a Friend’s episode that it would be titled “The One With the 6’2″ Girl”.
I’m kind of excited, but also prepping myself that this will most likely be a 1 time date.  Because we live pretty far apart, it felt wrong for us to both travel so far for a cup of coffee, so it’s kind of the coolest and best planned out date I’ve been on (even back in my dating heyday).  We’re going to see Improvised Shakespeare and then get dinner afterwards.  Is that intense?  It feels intense.    Sorry about that, I think you just saw a glimpse of my nerves.
What I’m going to keep telling myself is that at the best, I meet a great girl and have the potential for a relationship and love; at the worst, it’s practice.


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2 thoughts on “practice

  1. And if it doesn’t work out, maybe you will gain a friend. 🙂 Another good site is That is how Dawna and I met. 🙂

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