I have been somewhat absent from here as of late. The last post was about finding peace and essentially a reconciliation with God. That is still where I’m at. I’ve made some very major changes in the past month to continue to pursue my relationship with Him. I started going to a different church, not because my previous church wasn’t “good enough” or anything like that… I just wasn’t able to connect with God there. So, I started going to a different one. This one met me where I’m at which definitely helped to foster my relationship with God. I’m not so sure it’s what I’ll call a church home – so I’m still looking for the right one, but in the meantime, it will do. I also quit Living Waters. I just couldn’t keep doing it. Every time I went, I felt further and further away from God. That’s the opposite of what it’s supposed to do. I don’t blame the program, leaders, or anything. I only blame myself. It just wasn’t for me and I did it anyway because I was convinced that this was the path, that this is what would fix me. I have to say, since quitting, I’ve been happier and closer to God. We talk now. It’s been awesome recognizing Him at work in my life and in others. Another change, I quit my terrible terrible awful terrible soul sucking life draining terrible terrible job. I got another job that I’m pretty excited about. It’s customer service focused and that is where I excel. I start that on Monday. I’ll still be doing 2 jobs for the time being, but hopefully as I get into the full swing of things (it’s a commission based job), I’ll be able to quit Starbucks and work just one job. I could be a normal human. Crazy.
The other thing that’s new… is I started dating. It’s been this mix of fear and giddiness. I’ve been keeping God at the center of it all. I’ve been praying before, during, and after the dates. It’s been great. God has been so gentle and loving in all of this. He’s given me peace when I’ve been freaking out. He’s made me… happy. I guess that’s what this all boils down to. For the first time, I’m finally happy. I’ve got this amazing relationship with God, I no longer have to get beaten up at work or take up mantles of shame, and I’m finding people who I get to share a piece of me that has been buried for over a decade. Because I’m secure in my relationship with Jesus, the negative things don’t bother me as much. I know who I am in Christ. I know who I am period. You can say what you want… but I’m finally happy.