as I walk

the journey to becoming me


I’ve heard it said that if you think you’re crazy, chances are you’re sane.  It’s the ones who think they’re fine that are crazy.  So, hopefully that means then that I’m sane – because I woke up this morning in a very strange way…
Tuesdays are my one day of the week that I get to sleep in (usually up around 3).  I don’t have to be at work till 11, so I usually set my alarm for 8 so I can try to do a few things before work, but still get some sleep.  It didn’t quite work out that way today.  Around 6 (still sleeping late as far as I’m concerned, so I won’t complain about that part of it) as I was sleeping face down diagonally across my bed I felt people hovering over my right shoulder.  These people were previous generations in my family.  I’m pretty sure they were the 3rd generation – so my great grandparents.  They were telling me to give in to sin.  They were very explicit and precise with what I was to do.  I did not cave (mostly because I was totally wigged out that these people whom I’ve never met nor do I even know their names were hovering over me and talking to me), so then they told me to cut myself and showed me where a pocket knife of mine was.  Instead of that though, I got up splashed cold water on my face, and sat outside on a step until I felt like I was “normal” again.
The evening before was one that dealt with generational umm… stuff.   An inheritance of sorts I suppose – blessings and curses, sin, etc.  So at least this wasn’t totally out of the blue.  I didn’t really think anything happened during the evening.  Well… I got the feeling that something of great importance to my situation happened during the 3rd generation back (great grandparents).  I don’t know what that’s all about, my family didn’t talk much about anything (other than tv), so I know nothing of my ancestry.  I don’t know where I’ve come from (other than being German).  This morning though, I think confirmed to me that it is something I need to find out and deal with… that… or I am crazy.  Not sure which I want it to be though…


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