I need some answers. For the majority of my life, I’ve taken whatever authority says at face value- teachers, parents, pastors, etc. I suppose that’s the downfall of my easy going nature. I’m just too fine with leadership that I’ll go along with it. I’ve decided to start to question. Not because I don’t believe… but because I need to know that… it can stand up under scrutiny. I’m trying to basically kill a part of me- I need to know it will be worth it.
I’d say the biggest question… the elephant in the room… Why did God make me tuna when He hates tuna and only wants salmon? You can dye me pink… but I’ll still be tuna. I squeeze my eyes tight, count to 10, open them… and see that I’m still tuna. I’ve been shelling out tons of money in therapy (and got a 2nd job to pay for it) and now am in a class…. and still I’m a tuna. It sucks enough having the shame of being tuna- but when I read in my homework about how terrible and defiant tuna is… it just pisses me off and makes me want to shut down. Is it possible to truly become salmon?