as I walk

the journey to becoming me

help

Okay, so here’s the deal… I HATE asking for help.  Like… a lot.  Anxiety begins to well up and then it bubbles and becomes this huge thing that I can’t get past, so I wind up stressed, out of options, and if I’m lucky will be able to make it by the skin of my teeth on my own… often times, I quit because the other thing I don’t like is failure.  I’m not sure which is worse- asking for help or failing.  I love being excellent.  I love having all the answers.  I love having my life together.  I love being the one who is asked to help.
Last night, I was challenged.  Well, I was challenged, called out, then challenged some more.  Actually, the challenging started in the morning (I had a nice break while I was at work) and then it started again afterwards.  I need that.  I have definitely been distracted with other stuff (working 2 jobs, dealing with my… “struggles”… and being on edge emotionally – because I’m working on those “struggles”) that I haven’t paused to look back at the bigger picture.  Sure, every once in awhile I’d realize that September is coming up and I’d panic, literally grab my hair and say I’ll have to figure something out (usually followed by the word “tomorrow”).
Yesterday a friend shook me out of that haze and lit a bit of a fire under me.  This morning, I went to the gym and did 17.5 miles.  Not near where I was before, but after not riding for a month (was obsessed with running, partied with friends for a week, then jacked up my back), I’m pretty proud.  I’ll be back up to 30 soon.  Also I’m going to get on a real freakin’ bike.  That will help tons.  So, while I’m doing the physical stuff- I need to start doing the rest of the stuff.  I need money.  Oh my gosh, do I need money.  I still have $1,700  to pay for the trip AND I need to get airfare to/from China.  Now, I’m not trying to be obnoxious and just ask for money- what I need is YOUR creativity.  I’m spent.  I have no problem admitting that.  I’m physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained.  I’m just over 2 months out from the most amazing trip I could fathom… and I don’t know how I can do it.  So please, pray for me, give me ideas, if you’d like to donate airline miles, that would be amazing, if you would like to give money- I’m down with that too.  If you have a need that you think I could help you with, maybe we could figure out a trade.

I am 9 weeks away… and I’m starting to think that this might NOT happen.  So, I need your help.

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