as I walk

the journey to becoming me

1 year plan…

Wednesday will mark 1 year that I’ve lived in Chicago (If you are part of the Illinois DMV, I just moved here, I swear).  This year has definitely not been anything… at all… like I thought it would be.  I was convinced that I’d sneak my way into some kind Korean family’s home.  I figured I’d have a job that involved refugees or at least social causes/justice.  I figured I’d be able to do some conversational Korean (at least greetings).  I had lots of plans with me doing.  I never stopped to think that maybe GOD wants to DO.  Yeah.  Silly Mar.  

So what has actually happened this year?  Struggle.  Perhaps- this is just me pontificating- the struggle was God’s plan vs mine.  I know that He wanted me in Chicago.  I just put my spin on WHY.  I think the short-term “why” was Greenhouse.  Greenhouse allowed me to actually respond to what God has been saying.  It allowed me to deal with my crap.  It got me amazing room-mates.  I took a moment just now to reflect on the big things that have happened- and everything points back to Greenhouse.  I knew that it made an impact on me, but up till now, I don’t think I realized how central it’s been in my walk with God, my battles, my joys, my dreams- my life.  

I’ve come to the point that I’m not even going to try to pretend I have an idea of what my future holds for me.  I’m pretty confident (as I’m still raising money) that I’ll be in North Korea in September.  It was in January at Greenhouse, that I made that dream public- and it was then that it became tangible and will soon be a reality.  I’m also pretty confident that God won’t leave me out to dry.  He started working on my broken places my second time at Greenhouse (the first He just reeled me in with talk of cross culture something or other).  He won’t leave me that way.  He WILL bring me freedom- freedom to be who He created me to be.  Freedom to go where He’s called- when He’s called.  

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