as I walk

the journey to becoming me

Transformers- More Than Meets The Eye

I started thinking about the changes that I’ve made since the start of this year.  God has been doing some really great things in my life.

I started drinking when I was 13.  I went to school drunk every single day my junior year in high school.  I drank alone and I drank heavily.  By the time I turned 21 God had had enough.  He set me free from the abuse of alcohol.  The next 10 years I spent pretty much in fear that I’d re-lapse and would become an alcoholic.  This January, He set me free from the “fear” of alcohol.  I can actually enjoy a beer or some various adult beverage without craving more.  I know this might seem kind of… like… “well, what’s the big deal, why couldn’t you just keep on NOT drinking as you did over the past 10 years?”  Well, I found that I would stay away from social events if I knew there would be drinking because I didn’t want to have the temptation.  I hated going to restaurants that had a bar.  I would get really stressed out.  So that’s the social aspect of it.  The other side is that on the bike trip this fall, there will be alcohol served with dinner.  Knowing that this is a country that over one million people have died from starvation, would make me feel rude to turn down something that they offer.  It seems a bit like a grey area, but God set me free from that.

I’ve gone from wanting nothing to do with being a chick essentially… to… being okay with being a chick.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of junk to work out with that, but I’m moving in the right direction with it and I honestly didn’t think that I’d have come this far in such a short amount of time.  I’m excited to see how far I can push myself before my freak out point (skirts are definitely in the freak out point as of now).  Yet, there’s the extreme side of me that wants to just dive in with everything… until the nerves kick in anyway.  I’ve been taking what feels like huge risks in my clothing choices.  I’ve even spent money (which I hate doing) on chick clothing.  I purpose in my heart who I’m going to be every day- someone who hides in “comfort”, or the woman God is calling me to be.  Sometimes I fail, most I succeed (or come close enough).  I’ve even been trying to make sure that my nails are done and crap (aren’t I eloquent).  It’s keeps me feeling slightly chick-like while at work (and in a man’s uniform).  

I’ve forgiven people that quite honestly, I had wished dead for almost two decades.  Now, I pray that God blesses them and that they come into a relationship with Jesus.  Sure, there are some days that I start to revert… but then I remember what a schmuck I am and how in need of forgiveness I am.  

I read the Bible in 56 days!  That was super intense… and super AWESOME!  I’m now re-reading it at a normal pace.  It is incredible getting something different out of the Bible on a daily basis.  God is great at re-shaping my views.  He’ll point out the importance of a certain word just to make me re-think what He’s saying to me.  It truly is the Living Word.  

God is providing the finances so I can actually acheive my dream this year- of going to North Korea.  God put encouragers, pray-ers, and givers in my life to make this thing happen.  How awesome is that!?!?!?!?!?!?  

These are just some of the highlights of what God has done in my life- of the ways He’s transformed me and my world.  What I see is only the beginning of things to come.  God doesn’t work in just the surface.  No, He is a God of deeply woven details.  That’s my God.  

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