as I walk

the journey to becoming me

I hope it won’t be 40 years…

I am an Israelite.  A miserable, whiny Israelite.  

Throughout this journey I’m on (and have taken you along for the ride) I’ve been making witty remarks about the Israelites- whether it be about Abram (pre Israelite days, but same concept) being a putz for making his wife pretend to be his sister (basically allowing other men to rape her) so he wouldn’t be beaten up, to why they would be so foolish to make a golden calf when God was just up the mountain… that close…

Today I realized that I am an Israelite.  I had a bad day Saturday.  A very bad day- a day that could rival most other bad days… No, it was not the worst day of my life… but it’s definitely in the top 10 (possibly 5).  On my way home from work I said (directed at God, but definitely not in the form of a prayer) “Why did You bring me out here to Chicago?  Just so [this really bad thing] could happen?  I would have been so much better off staying in Connecticut.  Thanks a bunch (in an overly sarcastic tone- that’s right OVERLY sarcastic)!”  

I then read (in several different passages) Numbers 14:3 “Why is the Lord bringing us to this land to be killed with swords? Our wives and children will be taken away. We would be better off going back to Egypt.”  Call me crazy… but isn’t that just pretty much word for word what I said?  I’ve been giving these people who were able to physically see where the Lord was leading them such a hard time.  I figured they had it way easier than I do- I mean, they follow the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night.  What’s so hard?  They get manna daily… it tastes like honey… what’s the problem?  They have water coming out of rocks.  Their shoes don’t ever wear out… why are they so fickle?  Well- I know the big picture (or some of it anyway) of what God has in store for me, I know He led me to Chicago.  I have food to eat (and a sister’s house to eat at), water’s free, and my shoes are comfy.  Yet I did the same thing that I’ve been ragging on them for doing.  I forgot God has all the power.  I forgot God is in control.  I forgot that He can fix things.  I forgot that Jesus is Lord.  

God forgive me.  Forgive me for forgetting You are God.  Forgive me for doubting your provision.  Please don’t keep me from seeing the promised land.  Please whack me upside the head before I make a golden calf.  Please do whatever it is you need to do to remind me that You are God, that You are in control, that You are my Provider, that You brought me here for a reason.  Just don’t banish me from the promised land.  



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